coraandjohn.net

[D'Anne]

What a way to get the crabs........... :lol:

[Cora from IL]

It probably didn't do the crabs any wonders either. :lol: :lol:

[Cora from IL]

Oh the joys of being born blond.


Year in review - blonde jokes


January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too
tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.
Helllloooo!!! Bottles won't fit in printer!!!

March
Got really excited and finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.
Box said '2-4 years!'

April
Trapped on escalator for hours. Power went out!!!

May
Tried to make Kool Aid - wrong instructions.
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June
Tried to go water skiing. Couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.
Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used
their arms!!!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.
Car swamped because convertible top was open.

September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???

October
Hate M & M's. They are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days. Instructions said 1
hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December
Couldn't call 911. 'Duh'! There's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!


BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his
attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the
house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the
mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here
she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is
something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
"My stupid computer keeps saying,
YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

[D'Anne]

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by
mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some
coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very
deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only
fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five
things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball
bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a
black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a
professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional
wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still
wanna tell that joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and
mutters, 'No..not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

[Cora from IL]

Disneyland
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.

FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY,

THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!

[D'Anne]

Good ones Cora!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Cora from IL]

I must not be quite all here this morning. I read the one about the vacuum and it got me for a minute. I couldn't figure out how you'd turn the "vacuum in space" (which isn't really a vacuum anyway) on and off. THEN I realized the blonde was referring to a vacuum cleaner. In my defense, I haven't owned one for almost 20 years so it's one of the last things I would have thought of. (Not much of an excuse, is it?) LOLOL

[D'Anne]

Nope....... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


You must have some blonde genes... :focl:

[Cora from IL]

I don't own any jeans either. LOLOLOL